Archive for June 2010

Intentionally Destroyed

June 14, 2010

Holes. Pain splatters. Rips. Tears. Do any of these words scream fashion to you?

Well actually, I take that back because they probably do scream fashion, according to society, but do they scream quality/sanity?

I despise the whole ragged look. The jeans that come pre-destroyed for you, as if you’re not capable of falling and tearing them yourselves. The shirts with the paint splatters and stains, as if you’re not going to attempt an art project or try to cook a new dish using food coloring or accidently put bleach in a load of laundry that wasn’t supposed to be bleached.

What is the point of buying clothes like that? Did everybody forget that once material is pre-ripped it’s easier to tear completely on accident since its already got gaping holes. Did all of the clothing machines malfunction one day, and in attempt to keep their stock up. the clothes manufacturers pretend that they meant to create ruined clothes?

Then in order to make their lie seem even more true, did the clothes companies pay fashion designers and celebrities to rave about these poor excuses for clothes to make them seem popular and desireable?

These couldn't even be called shorts. It is better off as butts.

Then to make a profit from these clothes and to continue paying celebrities and designers did the clothes companies increase the price and decrease the amount of clothes you get on purpose? Because a pair of ripped jeans usually costs more than jeans that have all the material.

I vote that we find the person responsible for breaking all of these clothing machines and trying to get away with. We should find that individual on the middle of a crowed street, preferably during rush hour when a lot of people are out and about, and rip all the clothes of that individual piece by piece and leave him or her standing their completely exposed to the world and then force him or her to answer the most important question of them all…

When are the clothes machines going to be fixed?

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Biography titles

June 13, 2010

I took a three-week summer mini course right after the Spring seamster finished and it just ended last week, so it means that grades were just posted this week.

I came to this realization while in the kitchen, talking to my parents, so I got on the computer and pulled up my grades.

“OH MY GOD!,” I basically yelled. “Shit.”

“What did you get?,” My mom asked. “A C?”

“Worse.” I told her.

“A D a B?” she asked.

“Worse, I groaned still cursing under my breath.

“An F? Did you fail?” my dad asked, starting to take interest.

“Worse.”

“What’s worse than that?” they both asked me.

“An A-.” 

This was met with much laughter from the two of them and more cursing from me. Because nothing is more frustrating than an A-. Nothing is worse than knowing had you gotten like one more question right on a test or had just a few extra credit points you could have had an actual A. Not to mention the A minuses f*$% with your GPA. Not enough to ruin it or anything, but since I have two A-‘s now (damn web design) I have a 3.94. This is not nearly as noteworthy as saying ” I have a 4.0.” That .06 of a point is pretty much ruining my life.

And this got me to thinking. My life is pretty much an A-. I don’t mean this in a depressing, whiney way,I mean it in all sincerity.

In  everything I’ve ever tried to accomplish, I have been better than average, but not perfect. (As Betty White would say, “Superior to asians, but not as smart as Blacks.” *** SNL reference, not a racist remark.) Basically in the A- range. I’m always second best, second cast, runner-up, in the running, etc, but I never actually win.

Which brings me to biography titles. Many of the things I do/say/keep track of because I want them to be included in my biography, after I become famous. Also I am always looking for titles, a catchy tag that will make people want to know about the real person behind all the fame.

And so, I think, A- is the best title so far  because it sums up my life to this point in time. So if I were to die anytime soon, this is a note for my biography writer to use the title A-: The story of a girl who could never quite get there.

Neglected

June 13, 2010

Dearest Blog,

I would like to offer my greatest apologies for neglecting you for all these weeks. I have no excuse, but the following list of excuses:

  • I had to create and edit the special summer edition of Vogue.
  • I faced a run-in with some pirates.
  • I had to teach the pirates to become normal citizens.
  • I started up a new magazine called Pirate Vogue.
  •  I have been working as a political correspondent for CNN.
  • There was a tragic accident (Something having to do with a bear.)
  • I got lost along the Yellow Brick Road and then had to take care of the turmoil in the Emerald City. (For CNN)
  • I had a bout with short-term memory loss. (after the bear thing)

Obviously, even under the circumstances stated above, my absence is still unacceptable. So in return I would like to share this with you, to keep you occupied should I ever take an extended leave again.

I promise to be better.

Sincere apologies and much love,

Dana