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Rock Bottom

June 17, 2012

Ok, so can we talk about hitting rock bottom? What and who defines rock bottom? According to popular movies,  autobiographies, Spanish soap operas, my dad’s family history and Avenue Q, rock bottom usually consists of at least one of the following: losing your job, a bad relationship break-up, moderate to heavy drug use, suicide attempts, losing a game of Monopoly, a death in the the family or close friend circle, frequent bouts of crying, weight gain, depression, hopelessness, losing a championship sports game and any other kind of negative thing/event that goes on to negatively affects your day-to-day life. According to Webster, rock bottom is “the lowest possible level.”

During RAFA’s Peter Pan production weekend, I was told by an intoxicated individual who is rather involved in the organization that I was at rock bottom. Now I know it was meant as a joke and there was no intentional malice or insult intended and though I am not one to accuse anyone else as being too dramatic (in the wise words of Lady Gaga on the Simpsons “There is no over the top!”) I think thats just a bit too dramatic. I mean, I have a job, a degree, a car, a place to live, both my parents are still alive, I’m pretty enough to show my face outdoors during the day and not just at night (sometimes my hair is not so hot – but you win some, you lose some), my physical condition is great – I am not at rock bottom. However, it has been hinted at by several individuals, while not intoxicated that I am at the lowest of the low.

Some people think that by “just working at a dance studio” and living at home, I am wasting my life away. In fact, I thought that for a while, but in reality what does it actually matter? I just started reading a book called The American Dream: A Short History of an Idea that Shaped a Nation. One of the premises of the book is how the ever cliche American Dream of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” which frequently translated into a picket fence house, a paying job, religious freedom and a family has morphed into this horrific social and narrasistic fame, fortune and glory lifestyle. And I have obviously witnessed this shift. This idea of the “New American Dream” was infested in my brain until I realized  how misconstrewed it is. Moving to another state/city, or going to the most prestigious law school, or even just moving out of my parents house is not going to give me fame, fortune or glory. I’m going to be poor (since many schools don’t allow you to work your first year of law school), miserable, lonely and stressed out. Plus I have almost all the things now that the old American Dream stood for – why get too greedy?

I’m not going to shrivel up and become worthless if I don’t leave my current job at RAFA  this fall – in fact I really love working here even if its not the studio featured on Dance Moms (and let me tell ya, the RAFIA would be much more entertaining). I’m not giving up on going to law school – I am going to do that no matter what – but does it actually matter if I do it this year, the spring or next year? I’m 21 years old and in all honesty being an adult sucks. I’m not at the age where its weird for me to still live with my parents and I’m not interested in going out to fend for myself. Could I do it – absolutely I could live on my own and be completely responsible for everything – but why should I do that yet?

Basically the moral of this story is that the generations coming up (and even part of mine) are being exposed to unrealstic excpectations and are nearly certain to have a misconstructed view of themselves, their goals and what’s attainable. Basically, they’re screwed. And sadly these new ideals are more quickly than we’d like to believe becoming the accepted norm.

But that still does not mean I’m at rock bottom (I’m sure you are all thinking that the first sign is denial…)


And so we begin again

June 9, 2012

Its’s been a while. But I have decided that I feel the need to complain publicly about my problems again, like most of my too-much-personal-information generation.

Unfortunately, not much has changed since we last left off. My life was consumed with RAFA’s 2012 Formal Production of Peter Pan and I managed to get a new nickname (besides Gluestick – its now also Octopus) as well as several other job skills including, but not limited to: music director, tap cleaner, assistant director, prop mistress, ticket sales and Mr. Smee. The production was great, but after dedicating a literal year of my life to Peter Pan, as soon as it was over I couldn’t help but wonder what to do with all this newfound time.

I suppose I could focus on my personal pursuits – but that requires a great deal of decision making, which is not my strong suit. I usually base all my decisions on what is funniest and I usually end up ok, but this time is a little more challenging and none of my options seem particularly hilarious. I was accepted to Texas Tech Law in Lubbock which is really super. Its a good school, they have a great law certificate in BioDefense that I would go for and they are like pennies in comparison to many of the other schools I looked at/applied to. However, like all delicious ice cream sundaes – there is the whip cream (I hate whip cream. Its mega disgusting and serves zero purpose.) Here are some of the negatives:

  • I don’t have a place to live in Lubbock
  • I’ve never been to Lubbock
  • It would not be reasonable for me to take my dogs to Lubbock
  • I do not drive on express ways, so I could not drive myself to or from Lubbock
  • I don’t know how many times my beat-up 2001 Honda civic could make it to Lubbock and back if I could find someone to drive me around
  • There are no direct, non-stop flights from Houston to Lubbock
  • I don’t have a job in Lubbock and law school doesn’t really want you to work your first year because they want you to focus on school (how they expect you to live on no income is something I still haven’t quite figured out)

So, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do about those things. Now, I have applied and put on the waitlist for  University of Houston Law part-time program which would be even better than Tech – if they actually accept me. Because here: I have a place to live, I could still work, I have my dogs, I could take a bus or figure out how to drive myself from Clear Lake into Houston and life would be just dapper.

I honestly am just in a period of denial that I will eventually have to make some kind of choice here, so I focus on other things, like that fact that I get to to New York for 10 days in less than 2 weeks! That is way more fun to think about. I love New York. And I am actually really good at navigating the Subway.

I met Rachel Dratch when I went to NYC in April at her book signing. She is mega cool and she remembered that one time Kevin called and Aaron and I said “Hi, we love you!”

The MOMA is free on Friday afternoons. And its always free if you are a piece of art.


I can’t wait to go back!!! I’m chaperoning the BAHBT Scholarship trip and we are going to have a blast. Just think lovely thoughts.

Oh Say Can You See

July 4, 2011

Happy Independence Day!

According to the awful, fake, sensationalized,  biased news-wanna-be (NEWS-FIX on CW39), one in four Americans do not even know the meaning of Independence day. While I don’t believe much that NEWS-FIX says, I do believe that, because let’s face it:  Americans just keep getting dumber and dumber. We have the best technology right now in the history of the world. We have all kinds of laws, bills and programs to educate the youth and help more people earn college degrees. We have all the tools and means to live as well-educated and informed citizens, but we deliberately choose not to. So I thought I would just go ahead and refresh everyone’s memory on why we celebrate Independence Day.

July 4th marks our separation from the Soviet Union.

I’m kidding. Although according to NEWS-FIX’s poll, that’s what about 40% of Americans thought. Pretty Sad.

Independence Day commemorates the birthday of the United States and the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. And we celebrate by eating barbecue, watching fireworks and generally forgetting what the holiday means.

But here are a few fun facts about the 4th of July  (courtesy of

  • Texas produced 6.8 billion pounds of cattle and calves in 2010, so it’s a good possibility that you are eating home-grown meat today.
  • The U.S. imported $197.3 million in fireworks last year, with the majority of that coming from China. The U.S. exported only $37 million worth of fireworks, with Japan buying most of ours. So enjoy celebrating your American holiday in true American style:using stuff somebody else made.
  • Thirty-five places have “eagle” in their names. The most populated one is Eagle Pass, Texas with more than 26,000 people.
  • 81 million people reported taking part in a barbecue last year. I was really worried about that one.
Nonetheless, God Bless the U.S.A and have a happy 4th of July however you choose to celebrate.

Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow

May 19, 2011

My poor dear neglected blog. Sorry. Bygones.

So I made it home from Florida. Everything was very magical and so on, which is probably why I stopped blogging. The magic became slightly mundane and by the end of it all I was more than ready to hightail it away from my crappy little apartment filled with roommates I barely liked/talked to and I was sick of hearing all the full-time people moan and complain about summer bids. In other words, I’m glad to be back at home.

But at the same time, I really do miss it. And there is a chance I might be going back there, but I’m avoiding that subject until I know for sure.

Currently I am unemployed, well actually between jobs, because I do have something lined up starting June 1st, but nonetheless I have more time on my hands now than I think I’ve ever had.

So I’ve started doing home work-out videos.

While home work-out videos may seem dumb, they are actually pretty fun once you get into it and they are extremely convenient. Think about it. The gym is great, but you have to fight with people to take turns on the machines and there is hardly ever extra room for stretching or sit-ups. Then you also have people watching you, or some may want to talk to you. Or maybe they are talking loudly to each other or have their music volume cranked all the way up. Then you have to drive to the gym and drive home all sweaty and gross. So much unnecessary stress to complete an activity that’s supposed to help relieve stress.

They are also the perfect cure for boredom and they get you moving because the “instructors” are always yelling out words of encouragement (comedy gold I tell you).

  • “You can do it! “(when something is actually a little hard or just plain dumb looking)
  • “Are you ready for this?” (to build anticipation for a chance to literally do the same thing you’ve been doing one more time.)
  • “One more time!”  or “One more!” (which translates into like 15 more.)
  • “You’re doing great!” (why are you sitting on the couch? move your fat ass.)
  • Asking the dancers/work-outers in the background how they are doing. (usually leads to cheers, yells, people passing out, grunts moans, or in Weight Watchers videos – brainwashing with success stories.  Even better is when the people say actual words back, which often vary in excitement and tone.

Not only that, but with all the home work-out videos available, you  have the option to do something completely different every day. You can zone in on different parts of your body, or try a crazy one for comedic effect. You can also pick out how long you’d like to work out – 10 minutes or an entire hour and half. You never have to do the same work-out twice and you’ll never get stuck doing the same old routine day in and day out (like you might at the gym. I know I do.)

My mom has a collection from over the years and there are also a ton on Netflix.  Last night I did a 44-minute dance party burn (complete with salsa, party funk and retro dance styles) with Jennifer and a mega queer guy and several other uncoordinated poorly dressed girls. Today I did a Weight Watchers video twice with Karen and Eliane (who was 60 years old and really getting down.) Everybody was wearing pink. I had to go change.

Who knows what I’m going to pick for tomorrow? Maybe a little Richard Simmons or perhaps some Super90X (the off brand version of the popular P90X). Or maybe I’ll even go totale 80s flashback.We’ll see what strikes my fancy.

On a scale of normal to Disney

February 16, 2011

I love it here. Really. I am having a great time and have no regrets about coming here.

However, some of the people here are crazy. Not crazy-funny, crazy-cool or crazy-fun, just verifiably nuts. Which is why my roommates and I have developed a scale of  normal people (like us) to Disney people, which is our technical term for these insane folks.

Now I know entertainment people are all a little off kilter, but I can handle that kind of crazy. And my trainer, traditions leaders and people who are higher up in the ranks of Disney are all very nice, helpful, friendly and normal, but these College Program kids top off at the Disney end.


Not created by Disney - but how I feel sometimes.


Let me give you some recent examples.

In a break room at Studios one of the  CP character attendants, Ben, came in on break and saw a CP performer who is frequently there. Ben sat down next to the performer and loud enough for everyone to hear Ben begins telling the performer and the entire break room about the dream he had.

“I had weirdest dream last night. I dreamed that I was stuck in a bag of Wildberry Skittles and it was time for me to go on set and everyone was like ‘where’s Ben?’ but nobody would get me out of the bag of Skittles.” – Ben

“Wait, what are Wildberry Skittles?” – Ben’s performer friend

“The purple bag. I was stuck in a purple bag of skittles” – Ben

“Was it like a giant bag of Skittles with huge Skittles or was it like a normal size bag of skittles?” – A listening CP performer

“I think it was a normal bag of Skittles because the Skittles were smaller than me, but I wasn’t like tiny, so I think it was a giant bag filled with normal size Skittles…. and me…..and nobody would open the bag. Isn’t that weird? ” – Ben

These kinds of conversations also happen all the time on the beezy (beezy means bus because its much more fun to say and because its better during rants). The majority of the CP buses are always crowded and while that wouldn’t be so bad, except half the people on the crowded bus feel the need to talk loud enough for the whole bus to hear and “be jealous” (or something) of their conversations. They also have to consistently brag and talk about how they work at Disney World. Guess what guys, everyone on a CP bus works at Disney World, so why would we care? This is especially true of the Quick Service Food and Beverage cast members who walk around with “I hate my job” looks and talk loudly about how much they hate their lives. Did you not read any information at all about what you were getting yourself into when you signed up for this program? Quick Service Food and Beverage means flipping burgers, deal with it or go home.

Anyway, the A beezy is the worst. This is the MK (Magic Kingdom) beezy, which is always packed and takes like 40 minutes. One exceptionally packed night, my roommate Courtney and I encountered what we now know as the MK Quartet from hell. These four CPs were standing in the middle of the bus singing show tunes, yelling (not talking), and two of the four were practically making love on the bus since the girl wouldn’t hold on to the standing poles and kept “falling” into her boyfriend’s peacock. We have learned to just go ahead and wait for the next bus every time we see these individuals now.

One more example to get my point across.

One of my roommates has a friend that talks every second of everyday. She is nosy, annoying and tends to just appear in our apartment or on our adventures. She literally just pops up out of no where and has us all like that scene in the movie Airplane! where the guy is telling the story of his past and everyone he sits next to finds a creative way to kill themselves while he’s talking.

Well one day this Disney girl found her way into our apartment and started talking to me about people who work in entertainment. She said that many of the people who work in entertainment, especially the guys, are gay. She then went ahead and straight up ( how pun-ny) asked me if I was gay. “Because I work in entertainment?” I asked her. No. I am not gay. But I do work in entertainment.

These people are killing me you guys. You don’t understand. This is why I could not stay in high school and I couldn’t go to an actual college.

These individuals are also the reason why people like my uncle believe Disney is a cult.

How much do you love me?

July 17, 2010

I am in a hardcore research class this summer and for our second big project we are writing a formal analysis and including charts, graphs, pies, tables, etc. I need to poll at least 50 people.

So if you would be so kind, please take my survey. My topic is the effect of reality TV on society, so it’s a survey about reality TV, which I know many of us are guilty of watching. Also if you happen to know any reality TV “experts,” please let me know because I need to interview some of those and I don’t know anyone offhand.

This is a pretty interesting project, but the class is mega-labor intensive. Thank goodness it’s almost over.

 You’re the best!

It just seemed like the thing to do

July 12, 2010

Sometimes I get really brilliant ideas. Just really A+, 10 point, hole-in-one, awesome-gotta-try-this, smashing, larger than life, before-my-time, don’t-even-try-to-talk-me-out-of-this-one, brilliant ideas.

And with these really brilliant ideas I get tunnel vision, so pretty soon I can only see my brill idea and nothing else. Not even any of the flaws the brilliant  idea may have.

Its like I become stuck on a moving sidewalk (one of those people conveyor belts) and I don’t see anything but where I’m going and I don’t even think about what’s going to happen when I get to the end of the moving walk, because that is just completely irrelevant.

Pretty soon after focusing so much on getting to that end result, I even forget why I even wanted to go through with the idea in the first place. All I can remember is that is seemed like the thing to do.

So during the aforementioned life altering Charley-Horse event (see the community center post) I got several of these  earth shattering ideas for what I should do after I graduate in Dec. However, to resist disappointment and a repeat of the whole college incident  and because it seems like the thing to do, I am setting the record straight. Here we go:

I am graduating in December. I will be living normal life in Houston for the fall. I can guarantee you (relative) normalcy for the fall. I am exploring several different options for after I graduate in December and I’m not sure exactly when  I’ll know exactly what my final plan will be, since I have several different ideas for after I graduate in December.

Basically I don’t have an f-ing clue what I’m going to do after I graduate, so please refrain from asking me because if you do you will get a response similar to the one above because I have several amazing, wonderful, super, fantastic ideas and I don’t really know which (if any) are going to work out.

Someone made the comment today that it must be scary to not know whats going to happen after December and I kind of laughed it off. But honestly, I’m losing enough sleep over it to account for everyone’s worry, so we’re covered in that aspect.