Posted tagged ‘drastic’

Positive Thoughts for Foxy

August 1, 2011

My dear friends, I am not a terribly religious person. I was raised Catholic, but I am not currently a devout member of any kind of organized religion.

I do, however, believe there is a higher power. The details of which I am not so certain, nor do I wish to be. Yet, be it God, Jesus, the saints, the universe or just Grandmother Willow, I ask you all to please pray, send good thoughts or good wishes to my poor little Foxy.

My darling pup had kennel cough which turned in pneumonia and now could be influenza or distemper. She has been in the hospital since Friday and I had to take her to the emergency vet before that. She has improved a little bit, but still won’t eat. I have only had her since July 12th, but I am attached. She is precious and I love her, so although she is currently costing me a fortune, the universe told me today that I need to keep trying. We have a wonderful vet, but even so there is that chance that she may not pull through and just thinking about that breaks my heart.

So please keep her in your thoughts and/or prayers. St. Francis is the Patron Saint of animals and I have a prayer to him and one to whichever Lord you believe in, if you would say them for Foxy. It is a Novena if you say one of the prayers for nine consecutive days.

Prayer for a Sick Pet

Heavenly Father,
Please help us in our time of need,
You have made us stewards of Foxy.
If it is Your will, please restore her to health and strength.
I pray too for other animals in need.
May they be treated with the care and respect deserving of all Your creation.
Blessed are You Lord God, and holy is Your name for ever and ever.
Amen.
 

Prayer to Saint Francis for our Pets

Good St. Francis, you loved all of God’s creatures.
To you they were your brothers and sisters. 
Help us follow your example of treating every living thing with kindness.
St Francis, Patron Saint of animals, watch over my pet (Foxy) and keep my companion safe and healthy.
Amen

 

 

 

 

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Gateway tahtoo

March 2, 2011

So King Aaron and I have matching tahtoos. I bet many of you didn’t know this, but we totally do. For his 18th birthday, Aaron wanted a blue dot on his foot to represent “The world as viewed from a great distance” ala Phobe on Friends. So on his 18th birthday, Sept. 26, 2010, the two of us went to this hippie tahtoo shop near Kemah and Aaron walked out with a blue dot. He wanted me to get one at the same time, but of course I was too chicken.

After seeing him get his done and deciding it was really cool, I wanted a dot too. Since the two of us are so connected, I also thought it would be a cool way that we could telecommunicate. For example, “My tahtoo is tingling! Aaron must be in trouble!” So during Christmas break, right before I was leaving to come to this most magical place on earth, we went back to the hippie tahtoo place and this time I walked out with a blue dot of my own.

The world as viewed from a great distance on my foot.

Well anyway, little did we know that our blue dots would be gateway tahtoos because now I really want another one. I know its dumb, unprofessional and so on and so forth, but I want one nonetheless. I’m not saying I want a “sleeve” or a gross one that covers my entire back, nor will I get one that will stretch out and look awful when I become old and/or fat.  I don’t even want it to be bigger than maybe one or two inches. But I want another tahtoo.

In an ideal world I would get this sun, drawn by Marc Johns, minus the words on my right wrist. The same place as Gaga’s peace sign.

I think it would be cool because then I would have the world on my foot and the sun on my wrist so that my body would be the equivalent of a solar system. But since I would never get hired anywhere with such a visible tahtoo, I know it’s not going to happen. Although, I can wish.

Because of that, I have been thinking about getting some Mickey Mouse ears on my hip, since I am a really big fan of Mickey and Minnie.  I would get one like this without the year and on my hip:

To make matters worse, it seems like tattoos come up in conversation all the time. My roommate Courtney has three, which are all really cool. Being performers, we all change and get dressed in front of each other all the time and so everyone sees everyone else’s tahtoos and then we end up talking about them. One performer I met has a tahtoo of Pluto one foot and Eeyore on the other. Sports teams seem to be popular, as do tahtoos in remembrance for a dead relatives. Its ridiculous.

My parents were slightly pissed that I got y blue dot, which I barely even count as a tahtoo since it would be so easy to cover up if I/when I ever need to. I know they don’t want me to get anymore….

but I really, really, really, really, want one.

Footnote***: I know tattoo is spelled wrong throughout this post. But tahtoo is a joke and also more fun to say. It’s a thing.

No Scholarship to Life

December 11, 2010

“What are you gonna be, when you get shoved outta here, honey ain’t nobody gonna be standin there with no scholarship to life. And I was scared, scared, scared, sacaaaaaaaaared! Our braces gone, our pimples gone, our childhood gone goodbye.” – A Chorus Line

College is over. At this time one week from today the horrid graduation ceremony (that whole story is for another post) will be over. I will have a B.A. in communication and will be on my way. At this time right now I have no more assignments or school things I can worry about and all I can do is wait for my grades.

It’s very surreal. And also slightly terrifying.

It seems like all of this school business is over before I even stopped complaining about it. And while I’m happy to be done, the question is now literally, what am I going to do with my life?

Obviously I have plans for Disney World (where I leave to go to in exactly one month from today – ohdeargod), but after that I got nothing. This is all very exciting, but I like to have things to plan for and worry about. School was a plan and worry outlet before and of course getting ready to leave is filling up part of that void, but it still feels like something’s missing.

It’s a very hard to describe feeling and I’m sure quite over dramatic and ridiculous, as I tend to get, but it’s how I feel all the same.

College was safe. Even though I didn’t love it by any means, you sound pretty legit when you say you are a student. College was safe. Especially since I lived at home and my school was like 10 minutes away from my house. College was just safe.

Once you graduate, however, you lose that security and you have to put forth a lot more effort to sound legit and not like a  graduated bum (especially with a slightly bogus degree like Communication, but at the same time aren’t all degrees overrated?).  Once you graduate, nobody is there handing you scholarships and commending you on your academic performance, or takeing pity on your monetary poorness. Once you graduate, that’s it.

Welcome to the world of responsible adulthood.

Oh shit.

Letters to me (from me part deux)

November 28, 2010

Dear Dana,

Stop procrastinating.  Haven’t we had this conversation before? Actually don’t we have this conversation all the time? Do you want a degree? You have like ten things left on the school to-do list and like 2 weeks. Just get it done. Then it will be over.

On that same note, are you ready for this? Life is about to actually start and you can’t f&*k it up. School is going to be over and done with so you will really have no more excuses. But you cannot get lazy or dumb because that would be such a waste of potential. Maybe you can finally teach yourself some math skills or start freelancing for websites or study to retake one of those G-tests to get into grad school when you have some dollars. Just don’t become part of the uneducated and ignorant masses.

You can start becoming educated by learning about time zones. Seriously, learn how time zones work. I cannot even begin to tell you how upset I am with you for missing an FBI interview based on your lack of time zone knowledge. Elementary school kids learn how time zones work. Your dog probably understands time zones. Way to go.  Mega wasted opportunity right there.

Stop spending money you don’t have. You are going to have more living expenses now and lord knows you won’t settle for eating soup all the time. Where do you get this saved money? By not using the money you earn. Don’t forget about student loan payments too.

I do have to congratulate you on becoming so tech savvy.  Good job at setting up the MacBook. But make sure you learn how the Internet thing works because that could be another living expense. And also try not to break anything. Start taking better care of this ghetto phone that you have now or you will not be qualified to get an iPhone.

Finally, there are going to be a lot of changes going on and you are going to have to handle this. You are going to have to start liking people and learn to live with roommates, which might be a challenge at first (or the whole time depending on your attitude). Not everyone is as soul-less and feeling-less as you, so try to be a nicer to people you meet because you are not going to spend 5 months in Disney World pouting at your lack of friends.

In fact you shouldn’t pout about anything anymore because guess what? You are no longer 5 years old. You have lost all of your pouting rights. It a thing. Its written in the Constitution. Once you get a B.A. you can no longer pout about anything because you are supposedly “grown up.” See that is just one more thing you obviously didn’t know.

Keep it together. Make it through school, through Christmas and make it to Orlando. Do not even try to pull that “seasonal depression” crap this year because that has really ruined like the last three Christmases. Also don’t end up on crutches, especially not before Disney. And don’t get fat either.

Best of luck in your future endeavors,

The voice of reason (aka the better side of your brain)

 

 

Letters to Me (from me)

October 4, 2010

Dear Dana,

You need to calm down. You need to stop throwing pity parties. You need to suck it up and keep going.

Stop living in your imaginary, fantasy scenarios and do something with yourself. Stop waiting until the last-minute for every thing. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life coming up with stuff on the spot? If this stuff that you make up on command is pretty ok, then just think about what you could achieve if you actually tried?

On that same note, you need to stop being so wishy-washy. People are going to trample you if you keep it up. This is how Simba’s father died in the Lion King, he was trampled by a stampede. Do you want to die at the feet of elephants, giraffes and hyenas? I didn’t think so. Also, just fyi, not deciding anything does not constitute as a decision. Who are you even kidding with that one?

You need to let go. Things are going to change and you are not going to be able to control them so just let it be. But that doesn’t mean stop planning and just give up, it means let go of the things you cannot have and expand your options to include more than just that one thing that’s probs never gonna happen. And also, what do you want to do when you grow up? You’re a little late figuring this one out, lady buster, but its better late than never, so get on it.

Start getting up and dragging your fat ass to the gym again in the morning. Going two out of seven mornings is not going to cut it. Do you want to wear skinny jeans this season? And clean your room. And your car. The state of which you are living is just gross.

You made A’s your entire college career. Are you really going to give that up now? Now, with 74 days left until the official close of fall semester, you’re going to give up on school? That’s just dumb. Suck it up. If you wanted to give up, you should have decided to do that ages ago. But you don’t decide anything, do you? Now its too late, so suck it and do your damn homework. Also, can you please learn how to spell? And your handwriting looks like a first grader’s so maybe work on that too.

You want to know why things are not working? Because you are not even trying to make them work. Its time Dana. Hell, its past time Dana. And you know it.

Best of luck. Sincerely,

The better side of your brain

The day Dana and Aaron bought a stripper pole

September 12, 2010

I have a stripper pole in  the middle of my room. I bought it yesterday. Even after my mom told me no.

I did not wake up and say “I’m going to buy a pole today,” because I actually woke up at the crack of dawn and took the GMAT (to get into grad school.) So I think my reasoning was flawed the rest of the day since I used too many brain cells on the test.

Nonetheless, I have a stripper pole.

I have been going through this phase of really wanting to be a total bad ass; I have even decided I want to be a bartender when I’m old enough. So yesterday, Aaron and I were on our usual adventures, planning and getting supplies for his 18th birthday party, and we ended up at the mall. Then we ended up in Spencers. Then I ended up wanting to buy a stripper pole. In that order.

I decided I wanted one, so I called my mom to ask her what she thought. She said no. I told that she could use it too and it would be a great way to keep up out  new fitness obsession and spice up her marriage. She said no. I told her that I really, really wanted it and wouldn’t buy anything expensive for a while. She said no.

So I bought it.

I have this exact pole.

We took the pole to my house, where I got some glares from my mom, though my dad just seemed extremely amused.

My mom was like “You wanted to work at Disney! What do you need a stripper pole for?”

I told her that sometimes Minnie likes to get down and dirty.

She said she was not taking me to the hospital when I fell off and broke something  or caused the ceiling to cave in and then locked herself in her room to pray the rosary.

My dad set up the pole in the my room, which was exactly more complicated than what the outside of the box said, but my dad can pretty much figure out anything, so we were good.

Then Aaron and I took turns putting on shows and almost taking the pole down with us. We don’t have enough room to do like lateral spins, but otherwise we are fine. Although “to the window, to wall” has a whole new meaning when you are trying to catch a falling stripper pole.

I am leaving the pole up so that Aaron and I can practice. Diamond Club South, our local strip club, is hiring, so we need to get good fast. I want to be able to do this:

This is going to make an excellent chapter in our book.

Drastic

August 2, 2010

My friend King A got a hair cut (see post below for photos). He had this mega, big sexy hair, white boy afro and now he has cut it to almost a Donald Trump onion loaf, but gayer and better looking.

It seems like everywhere we go now, everyone is saying how great his hair looks and how different it is, etc. I’m pretty sure people we don’t even know are coming up to him and telling him how much they like his new hair.

This constant attention is especially bad since its been summer, so its been a while since anyone has seen anyone else, so coming back with a drastic change is an even bigger deal now than in normal times.

And it made me think how I have always wanted to have one of those drastic summer changes, like in the books and movies, where the ugly high school girl comes bach after summer and looks amazing or how like Jared from Subway goes back to his office one day and has just magically lost 2,000 pounds. I need drastic.

I mean I feel like I’ve changed this summer, but it’s not outward appearance changes that people would notice or comment on. I seem, at least on the outside anyway, exactly the same as I have been for the past several years. I need drastic.

I go through phases like this all the time, where I just get so anxious and upset that nothing is different, but eventually they pass and I resume my usual life style and just tell myself the drastic is coming. But something drastic has yet to happen.

I think this phase has been affected by Lady Gaga. I want to do something as exicting as she does and wear crazy clothes and go around flaunting my BA self, but at the moment that’s not all that possible. I mean I don’t think the Chamber would appreciate me showing up in a pair of homemade hot pants and rainbow heels and tape X’s over my boobs.

So here I am, dying for drastic and only getting compliments about King A’s hair.