Posted tagged ‘Excuses’

For one of those days

December 1, 2010

Sometimes, or rather often, life things get extra extra mega craze. So I like to do little things to make myself feel better and a little less craze. One of my fave craze-relieveres is Marc John’s blog. Marc Johns is my absolute favorite artists because he has an off-beat sense of humor and his drawings are pretty simple yet ridiculously effective.

When I have a lot of money, I am going to buy all of his art and put it up around my place of residence. Also If I ever get a tattoo, it would be of one of his drawings (most likely one of the ones below). He puts of pictures people send to him of his tattooed drawings, and they always look as good on skin as they do on paper, so I think that makes Marc Johns a pretty legit artist in itself.

Here are my 2 absolute fave drawings of his:

The other thing I like to do is watch Very Mary Kate videos.  Very Mark Kate is the unofficial biography of Mary Kate Olsen and also extremely quotable and funny because she just says the craziest things. The videos are only like a minute long, but my friends and I also manage to get at least one quote from each. Its terrific. You should check it out. And in conclusion, talking makes me tired…



Letters to me (from me part deux)

November 28, 2010

Dear Dana,

Stop procrastinating.  Haven’t we had this conversation before? Actually don’t we have this conversation all the time? Do you want a degree? You have like ten things left on the school to-do list and like 2 weeks. Just get it done. Then it will be over.

On that same note, are you ready for this? Life is about to actually start and you can’t f&*k it up. School is going to be over and done with so you will really have no more excuses. But you cannot get lazy or dumb because that would be such a waste of potential. Maybe you can finally teach yourself some math skills or start freelancing for websites or study to retake one of those G-tests to get into grad school when you have some dollars. Just don’t become part of the uneducated and ignorant masses.

You can start becoming educated by learning about time zones. Seriously, learn how time zones work. I cannot even begin to tell you how upset I am with you for missing an FBI interview based on your lack of time zone knowledge. Elementary school kids learn how time zones work. Your dog probably understands time zones. Way to go.  Mega wasted opportunity right there.

Stop spending money you don’t have. You are going to have more living expenses now and lord knows you won’t settle for eating soup all the time. Where do you get this saved money? By not using the money you earn. Don’t forget about student loan payments too.

I do have to congratulate you on becoming so tech savvy.  Good job at setting up the MacBook. But make sure you learn how the Internet thing works because that could be another living expense. And also try not to break anything. Start taking better care of this ghetto phone that you have now or you will not be qualified to get an iPhone.

Finally, there are going to be a lot of changes going on and you are going to have to handle this. You are going to have to start liking people and learn to live with roommates, which might be a challenge at first (or the whole time depending on your attitude). Not everyone is as soul-less and feeling-less as you, so try to be a nicer to people you meet because you are not going to spend 5 months in Disney World pouting at your lack of friends.

In fact you shouldn’t pout about anything anymore because guess what? You are no longer 5 years old. You have lost all of your pouting rights. It a thing. Its written in the Constitution. Once you get a B.A. you can no longer pout about anything because you are supposedly “grown up.” See that is just one more thing you obviously didn’t know.

Keep it together. Make it through school, through Christmas and make it to Orlando. Do not even try to pull that “seasonal depression” crap this year because that has really ruined like the last three Christmases. Also don’t end up on crutches, especially not before Disney. And don’t get fat either.

Best of luck in your future endeavors,

The voice of reason (aka the better side of your brain)



Literal Sinkhole

October 24, 2010

I have a lot of funny stories that need to be written, but I have been quite busy living and everything has been sucking me in, so I’ve been living in a literal sinkhole (a term dubbed by King A).

So I will just give you a few quick previews, like they do on the news, where they ask a  provoking, attention-grabbing question like “Is Houston being over run by drug lords?” and you go, “Oh my god! Is it? Am I safe?,” but the camera just cuts to a close up of a news anchor saying, “Find out tonight at 5 p.m.” And then you never know because you forget or are busy by the time 5 p.m. roll around. So the next day you go to work and make up stories about how you think Houston is being taken over by drug lords.

So on second thought I won’t ask you anything, I’ll just tell you some things and go into mega detail later.

  • I auditioned for Disney World last Sunday. That is a very good story. I still have to wait like 3 weeks to find out if I made it or not. But I have hope! The audition itself went very well.
  • I am going to be Wonder Woman for Halloween. This is also a good story because my costume is kick-ass.
  • I never told the tale of the Toastmasters competition that I competed in. I got third place for Table Topics, which wasn’t bad, but I didn’t get a damn trophy. And there were some great characters there.
  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout-out to my  amazing mother. Her birthday was yesterday and I spent the entire day with her. I won’t get all sappy, because that’s not my style, but I love her very much and I am very lucky to have such a great mom because she is always saving my sorry ass.
  • Only 50 days until the official close of the fall semester! And then I will be done with college. Words cannot describe how excited I am. I have even thought up the best Facebook status already. Not kidding.

And to top everything off, here is the best YouTube video I’ve seen in a while. Thanks to King A for sharing. This will probably be the next big viral vid craze. Very quotable.

Letters to Me (from me)

October 4, 2010

Dear Dana,

You need to calm down. You need to stop throwing pity parties. You need to suck it up and keep going.

Stop living in your imaginary, fantasy scenarios and do something with yourself. Stop waiting until the last-minute for every thing. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life coming up with stuff on the spot? If this stuff that you make up on command is pretty ok, then just think about what you could achieve if you actually tried?

On that same note, you need to stop being so wishy-washy. People are going to trample you if you keep it up. This is how Simba’s father died in the Lion King, he was trampled by a stampede. Do you want to die at the feet of elephants, giraffes and hyenas? I didn’t think so. Also, just fyi, not deciding anything does not constitute as a decision. Who are you even kidding with that one?

You need to let go. Things are going to change and you are not going to be able to control them so just let it be. But that doesn’t mean stop planning and just give up, it means let go of the things you cannot have and expand your options to include more than just that one thing that’s probs never gonna happen. And also, what do you want to do when you grow up? You’re a little late figuring this one out, lady buster, but its better late than never, so get on it.

Start getting up and dragging your fat ass to the gym again in the morning. Going two out of seven mornings is not going to cut it. Do you want to wear skinny jeans this season? And clean your room. And your car. The state of which you are living is just gross.

You made A’s your entire college career. Are you really going to give that up now? Now, with 74 days left until the official close of fall semester, you’re going to give up on school? That’s just dumb. Suck it up. If you wanted to give up, you should have decided to do that ages ago. But you don’t decide anything, do you? Now its too late, so suck it and do your damn homework. Also, can you please learn how to spell? And your handwriting looks like a first grader’s so maybe work on that too.

You want to know why things are not working? Because you are not even trying to make them work. Its time Dana. Hell, its past time Dana. And you know it.

Best of luck. Sincerely,

The better side of your brain

We don’t have that kind of time Suze!

August 10, 2010

King A has a GPS which is fortunate because neither of us are very good at directions. His GPS is named Susan, for no particular reason, but of course since we both speak queer and shorten pretty much every word ever, she has more appropriately become Suze.

We take Suze with us whenever we go on our crazy adventures and she always provides us with the best entertainment. We seriously have a billion Suze jokes because she likes to mess with us, but my favorite is the following.

The two of us were going to the Gaga concert downtown and we knew the general area of where the Toyota Center was, but not the specifics. We had successfully made it to downtown and we knew we where close, but Suze spoke too late and we missed a turn, so of course Suze goes “Recalculating Turn right in 300…” as soon as we heard the 300, we thought miles (but Suze really meant feet) and freaked proclaiming “We don’t have that kind of time Suze! We don’t have those kind of resources Suze!”

This is Suze.

This most accurately describes my current state of mind because I am terribly lost. I know it sounds cliché and retarded, but I really am. I am torn between two worlds, the people like King A  and the other artists I work with/for who are so focused on trying to become who they are as individuals and really finding themselves, so they encourage freedom of expression and trying new things, etc. Then I go home to my very realist family who immediately ask me what I’m going to do with my life and how I expect to pay the bills.

To make matters worse I am already going to be finished with college, the time when you’re supposed to figure how who you are and what the hell you want to do. While I don’t regret getting done early, my friends are yelling at me to listen to my heart  my internal Suze is telling me I don’t have that kind of time anymore (my parents are too.)

I understand that you must have money to exist and other important things like insurance and transportation, etc, etc. I come from a middle class family and I have $0 and I see how hard my parents work to get money and I know that they just want me to have stability and insurance and be able to live comfortably.

I am not naive or some stupid kid with my head in the clouds, I completely understand how society works, which is why I have like 4 jobs and have been trying to get out of school ASAP, but it sucks. I hate working 9-5 (I would rather start at like 7 am and get out early) and the thought of spending the rest of my life at a desk job is enough to make me cry myself to sleep at night, but I know its safe and probably the smart thing to do, especially with the current economic state, so that’s where I think I’m headed.

But then I go take classes at Second City or read the new Vanity Fair article on Gaga (she’s on the cover, it came out today, get your copy!) and I become so inspired and I just want to be that and have that freedom. I want to do what I want to do regardless. Of course, right under my Vanity Fair is the 1,000 page internship book I am supposed to be using to find internships at corporate companies  with good benefits that might want to hire me.

I so very much want to find the balance between those two worlds and be able to do something I love, but everything I love I suck at and everything I’m good at I hate.   My mom accuses me of trying to live in a fantasy world, but isn’t that what we all want to do anyway?

So Suze, come on and recalculate because I am really quite lost, but keep in mind I don’t have that kind of time.

Clear Lake Area Chamber

July 29, 2010

So this summer has been crazy beyond belief. I have been going at warp speed and have has so many obligations to everywhere that I have very little time left for me.

One of the primary obligations has been my internship at the Clear Lake Area Chamber of Commerce. I have an absolutely fabulous “mentor” and I have been having a great time acting like a debutante at Business After Hours and Ribbon Cuttings and going to plenty of official meetings. It’s really been a great experience and I have learned a great deal about what I want to be versus what I don’t want to be and so on.

In fact, the Chamber is so terrif that they even let me create a blog for them, which you should check out. This is a great project because I really don’t consider blogging “work” and I have learned a lot more about WordPress (it’s about time, huh?)

My internship will technically be over on Aug. 6, but I am going to hang around as I am helping plan their annual Chairman’s Ball, which is in September.

However, once I reach Aug. 6, I won’t be spending nearly as much time there and am planning a little break in my two weeks of freedom before school starts for the fall. So I should be back very soon  (because I have a lot to tell you).

Until then, read the Chamber blog and take my damn survey because I still need like 20 more responses please!!