Posted tagged ‘gays’

The Concert

April 13, 2011

So I went home last weekend. As a belated birthday present, my generous parents bought me air fare to come home and see them for a weekend. Conveniently enough, the same weekend of the Lady Gaga concert that Aaron and I have had floor tickets for since the beginning of last year. What a coincidence!

Anyway, the whole going home trip is  a story within itself (and for another post), but Lady Gaga was amazing beyond comprehension.

Last year when Aaron and I attended the Monster Ball, we went all out and got there at 6 a.m. to wait in line all day and be mega mega extra close to the stage and have our pictures taken for Spanish newspapers and the whole shebang. This time, since the concert was on a Friday and Aaron had school and I had some living to do, we took a more low-key route and just got there in the evening only minor-ly dressed up (but of course with heels) and basically just decided to let the night happen as it would happen.

And happen it did.  First we painted our nails a cobalt, spectrum blue with glitter. Aaron painted his while driving and eating. We’re pretty sure he ate more nail polish than what ended up on his fingers.

While waiting in line, shirtless Aaron had his picture taken with multiple concert-goers and a Toyota Center Chef only to be told he had to have a shirt to get into the concert. So we hiked back to his truck to get one.

Then I had to go to the bathroom (of course), so I told for sure we would have a terrible spot. But when we got on the floor, we actually weren’t that far back, which made us laugh at all of our antics from last year.We were smooshed against a very affectionate lesbian couple (one girl kept putting her tongue in her girlfriend’s ear – that’s just gross no matter who you are!) and some overweight and pushy couples who were also all up on one another.

However, when the amazing, fantastic, hilarious, old, slightly drunk, Gaga’s bestie Lady Starlight….

came on stage, I realized that I couldn’t see a damn thing, which was unacceptable since she proceeded to put on quite a show, including running in circles around the stage and freezing completely for a good 3 or 4 minutes. So we decided to move to the back of the arena. That was the best decision ever. We could see everything picture perfect, we just weren’t right on top of the stage and people were not surrounding us and hindering our concert experience. It was brilliant.

Being the idiots that we are, neither one of us knew who was opening for Gaga, so I was ecstatic when I realized it was Semi Precious Weapons…

I love Justin.

They played several new songs and made me love them even more. Justin (the lead singer) is so crazy with his nudity and sparkly heels and high kicks.  I love it.

While waiting for Gaga to take the stage (which took like 45 minutes since all of her stuff is so elaborate and spectacular), we read my latest SkyMall, which is truly the best part of flying ever. As a side note, you should see what SkyMall’s all about.

But I digress, of course Gaga was the best part of the concert. (A la SNL’S Stefon) The concert had everything: radioactive Asians, chubby gays in unitards, burning pianos, slobbering lesbians, glitter, screaming, dedicated text messages, drunk ladies putting their beers at our feet, people we knew, heels, grandmas in rainbow wings, babies, fruit loops in skirts, doting mothers, more screaming, blood fountains, Jesus Christ playing guitar, funky backup singers, shoving, Michael from Germany who likes boys and girls, subway cars, paparazzi monsters and anything else you could possibly imagine (as well as those things you can’t).

Gaga played both versions of Born This Way, came back for two more songs, cried a little bit, inspired us a lot and was just your average, typical out-of-this-world performer. And from where we were standing, we actually saw the Monster Ball this time around, which is a truly phenomenal show. I cannot imagine the amount of people and work it takes to make this show happen in a different venue every night. That takes some serious talent and teamwork, not to mention leadership.

Ru ru and Gaga share the same blurry aura about them.

So how was the concert? Gaga told me to tell you that “We burned Houston down to the F-ing ground!” if that gives you any perspective.


Fag Hag

September 6, 2010

I used to think the term was derogatory and mean and got mad if anyone called me that, but  I have changed my mind.

My name is Dana and I am a fag hag.

The other day I had a drink (and by drink I mean coffee) with King A (gay), Corey (gay), and his friend Hawk (also gay, do you see a pattern yet?). It was the funniest experience because it was me, sitting at Starbucks, surrounded by these queer (in all sense of the word)friends of mine, getting some glares from other Starbucks patrons for being a bit too loud and extremely openly judgemental, and I realized that most other girls my age probably don’t have moments like this very often. But as Hawk said, there is no better reflection of yourself than three gays creating a mirror around you, which is so true you honestly have to be in that situation to realize it.

The great thing about gays, and why I chose them over anyone else, is that they don’t want anything from you; they don’t expect anything. As a heterosexual female, when I am friends with a straight guy there is always that awkward line between what makes me his  “girl friend” and what makes me his “girlfriend.” There is also the danger of either party crossing that fine, fine line between a lover and a friend at any time.

With other girl friends there is always an underlying sense of some kind of competition and the need for a lot of false caring. You have to worry about your friend looking better than you and then care about all her stupid problems and then let her borrow any clothes you own and such. Also girls are just mega bitchy (yes, I know gays can be too, but it usually passes quickly.) Girls hold grudges for ages and I just can’t handle all the baggage that comes with having  female friends. They require serious amounts of effort.

These feelings about straight guys and normal girls leave me to choose to either become a hermit or a fag hag, and I don’t like complete isolation, so really there is no choice.

One other reason I have started to endorse the term fag hag is because I read this terrific book, Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys, which is a compilation of essays and memoirs about girl-gay relationships. These stories were awesome and I could pretty much relate to all of them, especial one entitled “Donny and Marie Don’t Get Married,” which are King A’s and I alter egos. All of the stories in the book talked about how important these friendships were and not a single party involved ever regretted the friendship.

Being a fag hag is  not a bad thing, but rather a term of endearment and even love. The friendships I have/had with my gay friends  are definitely the best relationships I’ve ever had. I told King A that our friendship is seriously the friendship to ruin all relationships. I am even able to cite examples of this, such as one particular epiphany-filled moment during my brief, brief, demented relationship with an actual “boyfriend.” This beau told me that the way I talked about Aaron all the time made it sound like I would rather spend time with Aaron than him. Realizing just how true that statement was, I broke up with the boy almost immediately after.

Because of this King A and I have already pinky-promised (and we don’t f*&% around with pinky promises) to write our own book about just how monumental our friendship is, so look for our book in stores  around fall 2030.