Posted tagged ‘Liberation’

I See You Baby – Shakin’ That Ass

July 9, 2011

So, Aaron Kate and myself spontaneously decided to go to a club last night. This was quite the decision, considering the fact that none of us had ever actually been to a club before.

After the Gaga concert in April, Aaron and I met his bf at a rave, but raves are not really clubs. Although (pulling a Stephon here) the rave had everything: light shows by guys with glow stick gloves, girls wearing boots with the fur and baby skirts, the guy with a spiderman mask and a gas mask on, strobe lights, pool tables and an underground level. I swear I laughed the entire 45 minutes we were at the rave and worried about how many drugs I unintentionally inhaled the rest of the night.

Anyway, last night we decided to go to Southbeach, a gay club, and the only thing it had in common with the rave was the hilarity factor. Thank God. But, it still wasn’t the best night of my life.

First of all, no offense, but it was kind of full of losers. Like older queerbos were literally dancing by themselves and there was hardly a crowd (and it was a Friday night). Then the music was mega techno, which would have been fine, except they played the same song for what seemed like hours on end. We were there for over an hour and we only knew a handful of songs; they didn’t  play any Gaga or even any  like Brittany Spears or Madonna or Cher. It’s a gay club for christ’s sake, what were they thinking? The DJ was sitting behind a glass booth and I was really tempted to knock on his window and tell him to switch it up a bit. There was also this male stripper, who was basically just a body builder guy in his undies doing hip rolls, not even touching the pole. Yet, he probs made more money in the time we were there than I make in a week cause guys were sticking all kinds of dollar dollar bill yos in his undies. Also some strange characters ( again its a gay club – leave us alone) were trying to dance all up on me and Kate, so we had a great time making  freaked out faces and literally hopping away to avoid their grinding male parts.

The funniest thing of my life, however, was that I ran into a guy that I work with at TUTS. It was super-mega-akward because it was when we first got there and were trying to scope out the scene (cause we had never been to a club), so I was on like sensory overload and here the buster comes strolling up with his bf. Then he felt the need to introduce everyone to everyone, which I so didn’t understand because (a) the techno was blaring so loud you couldn’t hear shit – according to Kate and Aaron I even heard his bf’s name wrong and (b) we were so not going to hang out with him, I mean that’s just weird.

I just thought it was completely ironic that of all the gays Aaron knows, I ran into somebody. Lord knows that would happen to me.

One song they certainly didn’t play, which is now one of my top faves is the YouTube sensation I See You Baby (Shakin’ That Ass). So here it is for your listening pleasure.


The Concert

April 13, 2011

So I went home last weekend. As a belated birthday present, my generous parents bought me air fare to come home and see them for a weekend. Conveniently enough, the same weekend of the Lady Gaga concert that Aaron and I have had floor tickets for since the beginning of last year. What a coincidence!

Anyway, the whole going home trip is  a story within itself (and for another post), but Lady Gaga was amazing beyond comprehension.

Last year when Aaron and I attended the Monster Ball, we went all out and got there at 6 a.m. to wait in line all day and be mega mega extra close to the stage and have our pictures taken for Spanish newspapers and the whole shebang. This time, since the concert was on a Friday and Aaron had school and I had some living to do, we took a more low-key route and just got there in the evening only minor-ly dressed up (but of course with heels) and basically just decided to let the night happen as it would happen.

And happen it did.  First we painted our nails a cobalt, spectrum blue with glitter. Aaron painted his while driving and eating. We’re pretty sure he ate more nail polish than what ended up on his fingers.

While waiting in line, shirtless Aaron had his picture taken with multiple concert-goers and a Toyota Center Chef only to be told he had to have a shirt to get into the concert. So we hiked back to his truck to get one.

Then I had to go to the bathroom (of course), so I told for sure we would have a terrible spot. But when we got on the floor, we actually weren’t that far back, which made us laugh at all of our antics from last year.We were smooshed against a very affectionate lesbian couple (one girl kept putting her tongue in her girlfriend’s ear – that’s just gross no matter who you are!) and some overweight and pushy couples who were also all up on one another.

However, when the amazing, fantastic, hilarious, old, slightly drunk, Gaga’s bestie Lady Starlight….

came on stage, I realized that I couldn’t see a damn thing, which was unacceptable since she proceeded to put on quite a show, including running in circles around the stage and freezing completely for a good 3 or 4 minutes. So we decided to move to the back of the arena. That was the best decision ever. We could see everything picture perfect, we just weren’t right on top of the stage and people were not surrounding us and hindering our concert experience. It was brilliant.

Being the idiots that we are, neither one of us knew who was opening for Gaga, so I was ecstatic when I realized it was Semi Precious Weapons…

I love Justin.

They played several new songs and made me love them even more. Justin (the lead singer) is so crazy with his nudity and sparkly heels and high kicks.  I love it.

While waiting for Gaga to take the stage (which took like 45 minutes since all of her stuff is so elaborate and spectacular), we read my latest SkyMall, which is truly the best part of flying ever. As a side note, you should see what SkyMall’s all about.

But I digress, of course Gaga was the best part of the concert. (A la SNL’S Stefon) The concert had everything: radioactive Asians, chubby gays in unitards, burning pianos, slobbering lesbians, glitter, screaming, dedicated text messages, drunk ladies putting their beers at our feet, people we knew, heels, grandmas in rainbow wings, babies, fruit loops in skirts, doting mothers, more screaming, blood fountains, Jesus Christ playing guitar, funky backup singers, shoving, Michael from Germany who likes boys and girls, subway cars, paparazzi monsters and anything else you could possibly imagine (as well as those things you can’t).

Gaga played both versions of Born This Way, came back for two more songs, cried a little bit, inspired us a lot and was just your average, typical out-of-this-world performer. And from where we were standing, we actually saw the Monster Ball this time around, which is a truly phenomenal show. I cannot imagine the amount of people and work it takes to make this show happen in a different venue every night. That takes some serious talent and teamwork, not to mention leadership.

Ru ru and Gaga share the same blurry aura about them.

So how was the concert? Gaga told me to tell you that “We burned Houston down to the F-ing ground!” if that gives you any perspective.

Gateway tahtoo

March 2, 2011

So King Aaron and I have matching tahtoos. I bet many of you didn’t know this, but we totally do. For his 18th birthday, Aaron wanted a blue dot on his foot to represent “The world as viewed from a great distance” ala Phobe on Friends. So on his 18th birthday, Sept. 26, 2010, the two of us went to this hippie tahtoo shop near Kemah and Aaron walked out with a blue dot. He wanted me to get one at the same time, but of course I was too chicken.

After seeing him get his done and deciding it was really cool, I wanted a dot too. Since the two of us are so connected, I also thought it would be a cool way that we could telecommunicate. For example, “My tahtoo is tingling! Aaron must be in trouble!” So during Christmas break, right before I was leaving to come to this most magical place on earth, we went back to the hippie tahtoo place and this time I walked out with a blue dot of my own.

The world as viewed from a great distance on my foot.

Well anyway, little did we know that our blue dots would be gateway tahtoos because now I really want another one. I know its dumb, unprofessional and so on and so forth, but I want one nonetheless. I’m not saying I want a “sleeve” or a gross one that covers my entire back, nor will I get one that will stretch out and look awful when I become old and/or fat.  I don’t even want it to be bigger than maybe one or two inches. But I want another tahtoo.

In an ideal world I would get this sun, drawn by Marc Johns, minus the words on my right wrist. The same place as Gaga’s peace sign.

I think it would be cool because then I would have the world on my foot and the sun on my wrist so that my body would be the equivalent of a solar system. But since I would never get hired anywhere with such a visible tahtoo, I know it’s not going to happen. Although, I can wish.

Because of that, I have been thinking about getting some Mickey Mouse ears on my hip, since I am a really big fan of Mickey and Minnie.  I would get one like this without the year and on my hip:

To make matters worse, it seems like tattoos come up in conversation all the time. My roommate Courtney has three, which are all really cool. Being performers, we all change and get dressed in front of each other all the time and so everyone sees everyone else’s tahtoos and then we end up talking about them. One performer I met has a tahtoo of Pluto one foot and Eeyore on the other. Sports teams seem to be popular, as do tahtoos in remembrance for a dead relatives. Its ridiculous.

My parents were slightly pissed that I got y blue dot, which I barely even count as a tahtoo since it would be so easy to cover up if I/when I ever need to. I know they don’t want me to get anymore….

but I really, really, really, really, want one.

Footnote***: I know tattoo is spelled wrong throughout this post. But tahtoo is a joke and also more fun to say. It’s a thing.

Dana takes on Disney (The Magic Begins)

January 13, 2011

One of my favorite 30 Rock lines is when Jack realizes Tracy Morgan is right about something or another and Tracy says “I hate to say I told you so. So, Welcome to Miami!” That’s just what I felt like on the plane when the stewardess said “Welcome to Orlando!”


November 14, 2010

Last weekend King A and I ventured to House of Blues to see one of my all time favorite bands of all time, fun.

The show was fantastic and the opening bands were good too. Gold Motel was awesome and I really wanted to love the band Steel Train, but I just couldn’t. However they did play a song they have on the kids show, “Yo Gabba Gabba” about how its fun to dance, which is an ultimate party song.

I fell in love with fun last year when they opened for Manchester Ochestra. I actually liked them better than Manchester. So this show was awesome cause I knew all the words and I could sing along. Also it wasn’t as hot in the Bronze Peacock Room (yes, that’s what the venue was called) at it was during the Manchester concert, which means I didn’t almost pass out. I think I would like concerts more except for the fact that I’m pretty short so I get lost in the crowd, who also constrict my air flow. It can get gruesome, but I was good this time around.

The grossest part was this unattractive couple that kept making out the whole and running into us. At one point they were  basically making out with me squished between them. That was pretty gruesome. Each of them kissing one of my cheeks.

May I say that fun’s lead singer Nate also got a lot better looking sans the nerd glasses and a better haircut. He pretty freakin cute.

King A and I made a whole nigh out of it, even eating at an upscale restaurant with reservations made under fake names, because how else would you make din din reservations?

The best part of the evening, however, was forgetting which lot we parked in at midnight in sketchy downtown Houston and momentarily thinking the car was gone. While Aaron immediately started wondering about how we could get home, the first thing I said was “Mom is gonna be so pissed.” Which, as with everything we say, gives insight into our personalities.

Here are some videos I took of fun. They are not the most aesthetically pleasing, but the sound is mostly good, as are the glimpses of Nate.

Literal Sinkhole

October 24, 2010

I have a lot of funny stories that need to be written, but I have been quite busy living and everything has been sucking me in, so I’ve been living in a literal sinkhole (a term dubbed by King A).

So I will just give you a few quick previews, like they do on the news, where they ask a  provoking, attention-grabbing question like “Is Houston being over run by drug lords?” and you go, “Oh my god! Is it? Am I safe?,” but the camera just cuts to a close up of a news anchor saying, “Find out tonight at 5 p.m.” And then you never know because you forget or are busy by the time 5 p.m. roll around. So the next day you go to work and make up stories about how you think Houston is being taken over by drug lords.

So on second thought I won’t ask you anything, I’ll just tell you some things and go into mega detail later.

  • I auditioned for Disney World last Sunday. That is a very good story. I still have to wait like 3 weeks to find out if I made it or not. But I have hope! The audition itself went very well.
  • I am going to be Wonder Woman for Halloween. This is also a good story because my costume is kick-ass.
  • I never told the tale of the Toastmasters competition that I competed in. I got third place for Table Topics, which wasn’t bad, but I didn’t get a damn trophy. And there were some great characters there.
  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout-out to my  amazing mother. Her birthday was yesterday and I spent the entire day with her. I won’t get all sappy, because that’s not my style, but I love her very much and I am very lucky to have such a great mom because she is always saving my sorry ass.
  • Only 50 days until the official close of the fall semester! And then I will be done with college. Words cannot describe how excited I am. I have even thought up the best Facebook status already. Not kidding.

And to top everything off, here is the best YouTube video I’ve seen in a while. Thanks to King A for sharing. This will probably be the next big viral vid craze. Very quotable.

The day Dana and Aaron bought a stripper pole

September 12, 2010

I have a stripper pole in  the middle of my room. I bought it yesterday. Even after my mom told me no.

I did not wake up and say “I’m going to buy a pole today,” because I actually woke up at the crack of dawn and took the GMAT (to get into grad school.) So I think my reasoning was flawed the rest of the day since I used too many brain cells on the test.

Nonetheless, I have a stripper pole.

I have been going through this phase of really wanting to be a total bad ass; I have even decided I want to be a bartender when I’m old enough. So yesterday, Aaron and I were on our usual adventures, planning and getting supplies for his 18th birthday party, and we ended up at the mall. Then we ended up in Spencers. Then I ended up wanting to buy a stripper pole. In that order.

I decided I wanted one, so I called my mom to ask her what she thought. She said no. I told that she could use it too and it would be a great way to keep up out  new fitness obsession and spice up her marriage. She said no. I told her that I really, really wanted it and wouldn’t buy anything expensive for a while. She said no.

So I bought it.

I have this exact pole.

We took the pole to my house, where I got some glares from my mom, though my dad just seemed extremely amused.

My mom was like “You wanted to work at Disney! What do you need a stripper pole for?”

I told her that sometimes Minnie likes to get down and dirty.

She said she was not taking me to the hospital when I fell off and broke something  or caused the ceiling to cave in and then locked herself in her room to pray the rosary.

My dad set up the pole in the my room, which was exactly more complicated than what the outside of the box said, but my dad can pretty much figure out anything, so we were good.

Then Aaron and I took turns putting on shows and almost taking the pole down with us. We don’t have enough room to do like lateral spins, but otherwise we are fine. Although “to the window, to wall” has a whole new meaning when you are trying to catch a falling stripper pole.

I am leaving the pole up so that Aaron and I can practice. Diamond Club South, our local strip club, is hiring, so we need to get good fast. I want to be able to do this:

This is going to make an excellent chapter in our book.